Moving with Kids: How to Communicate Effectively and Make it a Positive Experience

The thought of telling your kids that you’re moving can bring a wave of emotions, from dread to anxiety. You might envision the quivering lip, the teary eyes, and the questions that seem impossible to answer. It’s a conversation that many parents try to delay, hoping the topic will somehow resolve itself. However, moving is a significant life change, especially for children, and open, honest communication is the key to navigating this transition smoothly and making it a positive experience for the whole family. This post will provide actionable tips and strategies to help you effectively communicate with your children about an upcoming move, turning what could be a stressful event into an exciting new chapter.

Preparing for the Conversation

• When and How to Tell Your Kids

  The best time to tell your kids about a move is as soon as possible. However, “as soon as possible” can look different for each family. You might need time to secure a new job, finalize housing, or make other arrangements. What is most important is to create a family plan for how and when you share the news, and to tell them before packing begins. This helps them understand why you’re suddenly taking things away and putting them in boxes. It’s also critical that children hear about the move from you, rather than from a friend or family member.
  * Setting the Stage

  The setting of the conversation is as important as what you say. Choose a time when you can give your children your full attention and avoid distractions such as phones or television. Find a calm, private place where everyone feels comfortable. Before you start, gather your thoughts and be ready for a range of reactions, from excitement to sadness or anger.

Key Communication Strategies

• Keep it Simple and Positive

  When explaining the move, use simple, short sentences and avoid complex details. Use language that is appropriate for your child’s age and developmental level. For very young children, repetition can be helpful. Frame the move positively, emphasizing the exciting aspects of the new place. This might include a bigger backyard, a new bedroom, or the opportunity to make new friends. It is important to avoid negative language like “we have to leave” or “you’re going to miss your friends”.
  * The Power of Visual Aids

  Visual aids can be very effective for helping children understand the move. Use pictures, books, or even simple drawings to show your children the new house and neighborhood. If possible, show them photos of their new school, local parks, or other areas that might interest them. Visuals help make the move more tangible, reducing anxiety and helping children imagine their new environment.
  * Involvement and Empowerment

  Involve your kids in the moving process as much as possible. Let them help pack a few boxes, choose new bedding, or pick out a special item for their new room. Allow them to color moving boxes with markers or crayons. This makes them feel more in control and empowered, rather than feeling like they are simply being uprooted.
  * Validate and Acknowledge Emotions

  It’s important to acknowledge that your children might have a range of feelings about the move. They may feel sad about leaving friends, worried about a new school, or angry about the change. Don’t dismiss their concerns, instead, use open-ended questions like “How do you feel about moving?”. Be prepared to have a lot of conversations about their worries, offering reassurance and support.
  * Maintain Routines

  During this time of change, try to keep your regular routines. Maintaining familiar patterns, like bedtime stories, can provide a sense of stability and comfort.
  * Incorporate Play

  Use pretend play to explore scenarios related to moving. This can help children process their feelings and become more comfortable with the idea of the move.

The Three-Step Conversation

• Explain Why, When, and What’s to Love

  A helpful structure for the conversation is to follow a three-step approach:
  1. Explain WHY you are moving. This might be due to a new job, a desire to be closer to family, or a need for a bigger space.
  2. Explain WHEN you will be moving. Give them a realistic timeframe, even if it’s not an exact date.
  3. Give three reasons to be excited about the new place. These should be specific and tangible, such as a new park nearby or a bigger room.

• Answering Questions and Managing Expectations

  Answer all questions honestly and to the best of your ability. If you don’t know the answer to something, it’s okay to say so, but emphasize that you’ll find out together. Your child needs to know that they can trust you during this time. Also, be prepared for a possible request for a pet. Kids have a knack for sensing the right time to ask for something they want. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

Addressing Key Concerns

• Leaving Friends Behind

  One of the biggest concerns for children when moving is leaving their friends. It’s crucial to explain that friends left behind are not friends lost. Provide concrete ways for them to stay in touch, like scheduling weekly virtual playdates, starting email or texting exchanges, or online gaming. Encourage them to become pen pals. If they’ll be able to see each other in the near future, let your child know when that will happen.
  * Moving as an Adventure

  Instead of focusing on the stressful aspects of moving, frame it as a fun adventure. Plan fun activities like a road trip with special stops, exploring new playgrounds, or trying new foods. When you arrive at your new location, take a break from unpacking and explore the area together.

Communication Beyond the Initial Talk

• Active Listening

  Active listening is a powerful tool that shows your children you care. Use gestures such as encouraging smiles and affirming nods to show that you are engaged. Get down to their eye level to make them feel safer and more connected to you. Ask them questions to show you are truly listening.
  * Clear and Effective Communication

  Use clear, specific language when communicating with your children. Avoid sarcasm, metaphors, and indirect requests. Give direct instructions with a calm, authoritative tone. Instead of posing statements as questions, make clear requests. For example, instead of “Could you please hang up your coat?” say “Please hang up your coat.”. Also, be patient and wait for them to respond, giving them time to process your instructions.
  * “Noticing” Statements and Behavior Focus

  Use “noticing” statements to give specific praise. Instead of saying “good job,” try something like, “I noticed you put all of your toys away after playtime”. When correcting your child, focus on the behavior, not the child. For example, instead of saying “I don’t like that you’re messy,” try, “I don’t like it when you leave your clothes all over the floor”.
  * The Three L’s for Effective Communication

  To facilitate turn-taking in conversations, use the three L’s: Look, Listen, and Learn. Have your child look at you when you’re talking to show that they are listening. Practice waiting to respond and nodding, and encourage them to ask questions. Show that asking questions is a way to learn something new about another person.
  * Continuous Storytelling

  To practice turn-taking and listening, try creating continuous stories together. One person starts a story, and then each person adds a sentence until the story is complete. This is a fun way to improve communication skills while spending quality time together.
  * Replace “I Don’t Know”

  When kids feel unsure, they tend to say “I don’t know”. Encourage them to start their responses with “I think” to help them share their ideas and engage in conversation even when they are feeling uncertain.

Additional Perspectives and Insights

• Military Family Experiences

  Military families often move frequently, providing unique insights into the process of adapting to new schools and communities. These families learn to find the fun in each move, and make the best out of every situation.
  * Building Resilience and Long-Term Well-being

  It is critical to reassure parents that children are resilient and will adjust to the move. It may be difficult at first, but they will grow stronger because of it. Help them feel secure, loved and supported throughout the process.
  * The Importance of Community

  The move does not happen in isolation; the community around the child can influence their experience. Having the support of teachers, friends, neighbors, and family can help children feel more secure. Feeling settled in a new place takes time, but making connections with others can make it easier.
  * Home is Where You Create It

  Emphasize that home is not just a physical place, but also a feeling and a family. You can create a sense of home wherever you go.

Unique Approaches and Fresh Ideas

• Family Systems Approach

  Acknowledge that the move affects everyone in the family. Parents need to take care of their own emotional and physical health. Communicate openly and support each other through this transition.
  * The “Why” of Moving

  Be mindful of how you explain the reasons for the move, even when those reasons are complex. When possible, frame the “why” to reduce uncertainty and provide context for the child.
  * Self-Compassion and Mindfulness

  Moving can be a stressful experience for all members of the family. Be sure to practice self-compassion. Take time to engage in stress reducing activities, like deep breathing.
  * Engaging the Senses

  Encourage parents to engage all of the senses to make the new environment more tangible and less scary. Find ways to explore the new area through the senses of touch, smell, taste and hearing to make it less unknown.
  * Use of Technology

  Leverage technology to explore the new area, find resources, or video chat with friends and family before the move. Use online tools to help children feel more connected to their new and old surroundings.

Conclusion

Moving with kids can be challenging, but with the right approach and effective communication, it can be a positive experience for the whole family. By keeping the lines of communication open, validating feelings, and focusing on the adventure ahead, you can help your children navigate this transition with confidence and excitement. Remember that moving is an opportunity to grow stronger as a family and to create lasting memories in a new place. If you need additional support, consider requesting a quote for moving services to reduce stress.

Here are some additional resources that may help during a move:
* How To Tell Your Kids “We’re Moving!” – The Art of Happy Moving
* How to Talk to Kids About a Big Move | PBS KIDS for Parents
* Communicating Effectively with Children – Community Playthings
* How to communicate effectively with your young child | UNICEF Parenting
* Helping Kids Communicate With One Another | PBS KIDS for Parents
* Conversation skills for children | Raising Children Network